HELP! Why the Guilt?

Why is there always guilty feelings when we ask for help? Why does it stop us from asking for help? Shouldn't we feel comfortable asking for help from others we know, or from anyone in general? It is so difficult. I hate asking others for any kind of help...it DOES make me feel guilty, makes me feel incompetent of relying on myself, makes me feel incapable of doing things for myself, etc. Will we always feel this guilt, this uncomfortable gut feeling, this feeling of...idk...lost pride? Read on to find out. :)

Most of us havent even been taught to ask for help...I'm not sure if this is because society looks down on it or if we ourselves do. And our feelings of guilt, some insecurities, etc, can contribute to us using guilt, coercion and blackmail also. Sometimes we even opt to playing the pity party. Been there unfortunately. We also wind up asking the wrong person for help. Most of us though, probably were humiliated before and thus are afraid we will be again, because that memory stays with us.

Skip asking for help over the phone or by an e-mail. Meet with the person in person and in private. This is the best way to begin asking someone for their help in any endeavor. It may be uncomfortable to do it this way, and if u truly cannot see the person face to face, the next best thing to do is make that phone call.

When asking ur request, always, ALWAYS, be straight- forward and honest. Ask in specific terms what it is ur seeking and why. Be open to discussing solutions, etc.

Pick up on the cues that the person ur asking is giving off. This is why face to face asking is helpful...U can see their facial expression and their body language.

Sometimes its nice to offer to help them with something in return for their help also. And always say thanks when they do agree to help u.

Some of us are worried about what others will think of us if we ask for help. Sometimes we think asking for help is a sign of weakness. :) U might think that asking for help, others might think ur irresponsible. Maybe ur afraid of rejection. U may even believe, if ur in business, or working, that asking for help is unprofessional.

Sometimes we just need to learn to not internalize judgments or rejections. Fight this approval seeking way with self acceptance. It does not make u weak, or unprofessional to seek help. Seeking help is normal when u have an issue. Personally I think the person ur seeking help from should feel proud u trusted them enough to seek their help, js.

Give urself love, accept the fact u will be uncomfy asking for help, but know its also not the end of the world. Know that being open and honest...will deepen the connections u have with them. But, choose wisely who u are vulnerable with. Some people think u should be able to cope or manage alone (even though they are usually the ones seeking help the most, js). This is often reinforced by family views or peer pressure. Also, this can bring up walls around urself, causing barriers around u, warding off new friendships and relationships. Most give help and advice, I'm sure u do also, so its unrealistic to think u would never need it for urself from others.

Dont think that just because ur an expert in some things that u wont need help in other things also. Ur research, skills and advice will benefit by gaining knowledge from others by asking their help. This in turn benefits u in helping others.

If u think u need help, ur more than likely right, so act on that thought and ask for help, no matter what the problem is...dinner, carrying a heavy box, etc. Decide on who u will ask and then form how u will ask for it in ur head, then go seek the person out and ask. :)

Some people do act out of the kindness of their hearts. Reminding urself of this can restore ur faith in humanity. :) Like I said before, be selective of who u ask for help. Avoid asking people that make u feel like less than who u are. Find people u really trust. Ask them for the help u need. Walk away from people who purposely make u feel bad for asking.

Learn give and take. :) When u give anything of urself, u are helping another learn about u. This helps foster the belief in the other that u will return the attention and help that they bestowed upon u. Which u should. :) Giving promotes and strengthens bonds between people. It also boosts feelings of gratitude, thankfulness, and also promotes being healthier. Trust that u are worthy of help and trust the other person will help u. To help u trust better, modify ur expectations. People are only human and have both good and bad traits, as do u. :) Always remember that rejection, fear and disappointment are in all relationships at times. Always remember u are a worthy person and very capable of making wise decisions. Just because u need help with this or that, whether it be financial, cooking dinner, help with ur children, etc, none of that means u should be belittled, put down, made to feel incapable, etc. We all need help at times and should feel free to ask for it.

Well my smexy peeps, thats my thought on needing help and why we sometimes dont ask for it. I hope it can help u the next time ur feeling that asking for help is a weakness. -Muah-